Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
