you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
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