i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
