Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
