i think my tv is drunk
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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