my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
