I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
