Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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