I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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