i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
