8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize