I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize