just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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