New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
