No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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