also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
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