Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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