i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
