He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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