Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
God I need to hump something, right now.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
