time to smoke my breakfast
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
