i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
