I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
