woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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