HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
