she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
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