I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
