I can tuck mytits in my pants
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
