Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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