So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Randomize
