After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
My bed smells like the plague
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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