I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Randomize
