theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
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