if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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