hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
