i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize