Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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