idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
