When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
