ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
