I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize