I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
