when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
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