So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
