Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
