Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Just pee around me
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
