I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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