He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
