After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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