C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
