i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize