I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
