i jhust puked up my retainher.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize