This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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