Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
