Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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