we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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