just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
