What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
