ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
