There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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