God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
