Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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