I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
