When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
