went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
