and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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