Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
