We need to rekindle our bromance
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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