I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
i think i just lost a toe
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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