I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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