During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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