what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
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