Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
